Before I write something, I want to say that I heard from a tremendous amount of people (women) about my last post on "being skinny." I was flattered and also quite validated in my passion to express myself (albeit often with sarcasm and gaping holes in my stories) based on the comments I received. So thank you. If you're more interested in my opinions and off-kilter feminism, I'm happy to report your future looks bright in regards to my self-fulfilling "voice" and more. Stay tuned. For now. I'll stick to this ridiculously important tale of a knee full of woes.
So. Here it goes...
Howdy folks. I took a hiatus from blog posting.
That's not really the truth.
The truth is. I've been lazy and uninspired regarding my knee surgery recovery. Why? Why are my days not CONSTANTLY strewn with material basking in the glory that will eventually become a typed out anecdotal display? Meh. I blame it on the "lull" period.
This week I will hit my 12 week post-op mark. I know! Exciting! I suppose, if I'm on target, that is kind of the halfway point. Huge stuff. What's different between week 8 when I posted about getting back to my workout class and week 12 when I enter the 5th week of workout class? Nothing except that I feel quite accustomed to my good ole' routine!
That's right. Nothing much has changed. My extension is still hindered, my squats are still pumping, and I can pedal that bike as fast as I desire, but no running, jumping, or lunging for another 4 weeks.
This is the time when patience is tried. Physical Therapy has become a part-time job, and although I'm well aware of the amazing work my PT has done for me (yes, still the same paradoxical angel that I wrote about months ago), it's a lot to handle! I go at 7am twice a week, which means I re-schedule when I go to the gym, don't make myself my standard eggs and toast breakfast whilst catching up on my previous nights' DVRed shows, and often spend the latter hours of my day at the office making up for time. Rough life, huh?
No. It's really not. But that doesn't mean I don't have days where I don't convince myself otherwise. Recovering from an injury is like recovering from a heart break. I've done both, so clearly that makes me an expert. The initial period is like. FTW I'm never dating again, I hate everyone, life isn't fair. Ok fine, I'll make 3 witty comments via text, cry myself to sleep, and avoid social gatherings.
Oh, you didn't know that's what tearing your ACL is like? Ya.
FTW, I'm never playing ________ (football/soccer/basketball) again, I hate everyone with mobility, life isn't fair. Ok fine, I'll make a blog post about it, whine and pout around my house, and avoid social gatherings.
Then there's the ambitious phase.
FTW!!! I don't have a broken heart! I'm AWESOME! I'm going to start a new exercise routine! And get new face cleanse! I'm going to paint my nails while watching inspiring documentaries and making home-cooked meals. I'm going to pursue my dreams and life goals! And post about it to social media so that everyone knows I'm fine!
Yep. Same with a torn ACL.
FTW!!! A torn ligament won't hold me back! I'm going to do straight legged crunches and drink green smoothies! I'm going to follow the doctor's orders exactly. I'm going to stay true to my goals and attributes, compromising very little, all while writing about it on social media.
And then. There's the lull. That's where we're at people. You know what I'm talking about. There's no new love interest. There's no visible progress. Sure things are fine. You're not miserable, but you're not quite...full. You don't really feel like cooking a meal every night. Your runs have become shorter. The positive quotes you send to yourself every morning have become trivial. That's because the peak isn't quite as steep as the initial climb. Things clearly progress at the beginning of a heart ache. You ween off the self-deprecating and sappy text messages. You consider going on ONE date. You begin to heal. Same with the knee. You go from 80 degrees of flexion to 120 within a week's time, and you shed the leg immobilizer. Big things happen.
And then. They don't.
So. Here it goes...
Howdy folks. I took a hiatus from blog posting.
That's not really the truth.
The truth is. I've been lazy and uninspired regarding my knee surgery recovery. Why? Why are my days not CONSTANTLY strewn with material basking in the glory that will eventually become a typed out anecdotal display? Meh. I blame it on the "lull" period.
This week I will hit my 12 week post-op mark. I know! Exciting! I suppose, if I'm on target, that is kind of the halfway point. Huge stuff. What's different between week 8 when I posted about getting back to my workout class and week 12 when I enter the 5th week of workout class? Nothing except that I feel quite accustomed to my good ole' routine!
That's right. Nothing much has changed. My extension is still hindered, my squats are still pumping, and I can pedal that bike as fast as I desire, but no running, jumping, or lunging for another 4 weeks.
This is the time when patience is tried. Physical Therapy has become a part-time job, and although I'm well aware of the amazing work my PT has done for me (yes, still the same paradoxical angel that I wrote about months ago), it's a lot to handle! I go at 7am twice a week, which means I re-schedule when I go to the gym, don't make myself my standard eggs and toast breakfast whilst catching up on my previous nights' DVRed shows, and often spend the latter hours of my day at the office making up for time. Rough life, huh?
No. It's really not. But that doesn't mean I don't have days where I don't convince myself otherwise. Recovering from an injury is like recovering from a heart break. I've done both, so clearly that makes me an expert. The initial period is like. FTW I'm never dating again, I hate everyone, life isn't fair. Ok fine, I'll make 3 witty comments via text, cry myself to sleep, and avoid social gatherings.
Oh, you didn't know that's what tearing your ACL is like? Ya.
FTW, I'm never playing ________ (football/soccer/basketball) again, I hate everyone with mobility, life isn't fair. Ok fine, I'll make a blog post about it, whine and pout around my house, and avoid social gatherings.
Then there's the ambitious phase.
FTW!!! I don't have a broken heart! I'm AWESOME! I'm going to start a new exercise routine! And get new face cleanse! I'm going to paint my nails while watching inspiring documentaries and making home-cooked meals. I'm going to pursue my dreams and life goals! And post about it to social media so that everyone knows I'm fine!
Yep. Same with a torn ACL.
FTW!!! A torn ligament won't hold me back! I'm going to do straight legged crunches and drink green smoothies! I'm going to follow the doctor's orders exactly. I'm going to stay true to my goals and attributes, compromising very little, all while writing about it on social media.
And then. There's the lull. That's where we're at people. You know what I'm talking about. There's no new love interest. There's no visible progress. Sure things are fine. You're not miserable, but you're not quite...full. You don't really feel like cooking a meal every night. Your runs have become shorter. The positive quotes you send to yourself every morning have become trivial. That's because the peak isn't quite as steep as the initial climb. Things clearly progress at the beginning of a heart ache. You ween off the self-deprecating and sappy text messages. You consider going on ONE date. You begin to heal. Same with the knee. You go from 80 degrees of flexion to 120 within a week's time, and you shed the leg immobilizer. Big things happen.
And then. They don't.
But big things WILL happen if you (I) ignore the protocol. When mending a broken heart, you can't just neglect the self-care because you're doing good enough. You really can't! Or then one day, 6 months down the line, you wake up, realize you feel crappy about your life, neglected your goals, and have a lot more damage to UNdo than before. You have to buck up, face the music, and validate your own happiness with YOU. Not anyone else. I'm doing the same thing with my poor old knee right now. Sure, I could taper off of my PT appointments, neglect my exercises, self-diagnose myself ready for higher impact and lunging! Believe me. That's what I want to do. But in the end, that's going to lead me down an ugly, confusing, tough path that will also be a hell-hole to undo. And let's be clear here...weighing our decisions ahead of time can often lead to GOOD things (thank you, Mom, for that life lesson).
So what if nothing exciting is happening in my recovery process right now? I'm recovering! The progress doesn't have to be big to know that I'm doing things right. Maybe the lull isn't really a lull at all. Maybe the lull is actually the most important part of the entire healing process. It's the time when we pass or fail. When we step up or sit back down. When we do it for ourselves while no one else is looking. Maybe the lull lets us know what the real journey's "end" will look like.
That's right. I just walked step by step from heart ache to ligament tear, and I don't regret it one bit. The only reason I feel a certain way about my recovery is because I've done it before. I've learned lessons and taken the long way to do so. If that's not a parallel to the "other" pain, then you can argue with me via the comments section. Open invitation.
I guess I'm just giving myself some advice and roping you eager readers into it. Don't let the lull fool you. Great things can happen even when it feels like Groundhog's Day.I may be stuck on pedaling for now, but I know the day that I sprint, that lull will have felt like a waltz toward the finish line.
I can probably come up with 100 more cliche-esq thoughts and phrases, but I really do mean what I say about the lull. Sometimes the challenges that remain steady for the longest amount of time lead us to the best freaking days full of excitement and celebration. I look forward to sharing those days with you!
So what if nothing exciting is happening in my recovery process right now? I'm recovering! The progress doesn't have to be big to know that I'm doing things right. Maybe the lull isn't really a lull at all. Maybe the lull is actually the most important part of the entire healing process. It's the time when we pass or fail. When we step up or sit back down. When we do it for ourselves while no one else is looking. Maybe the lull lets us know what the real journey's "end" will look like.
That's right. I just walked step by step from heart ache to ligament tear, and I don't regret it one bit. The only reason I feel a certain way about my recovery is because I've done it before. I've learned lessons and taken the long way to do so. If that's not a parallel to the "other" pain, then you can argue with me via the comments section. Open invitation.
I guess I'm just giving myself some advice and roping you eager readers into it. Don't let the lull fool you. Great things can happen even when it feels like Groundhog's Day.I may be stuck on pedaling for now, but I know the day that I sprint, that lull will have felt like a waltz toward the finish line.
I can probably come up with 100 more cliche-esq thoughts and phrases, but I really do mean what I say about the lull. Sometimes the challenges that remain steady for the longest amount of time lead us to the best freaking days full of excitement and celebration. I look forward to sharing those days with you!