It's happened. I've had a woe-is-me day. I got fit for my brace yesterday morning, and while the man with the bag of sizable robo legs was quite nice and charming, I despised him. When you get your shoe size measured, the men and women who help you simply tell you your approximate "number" and go into a magical back room before emerging with the styles you want until your Cinderella moment comes true and you walk away with footsy wardrobe advances. Brace shopping is slightly different. It goes like this:
Man: Let's go ahead and go for the small.
Internal cheer for myself that my leg is considered small.
Me: Cool.
Man: Will you be wearing those heels with your brace?
Internal cursing towards the male species. These BARELY have a heel, it's 84 degrees outside, and I'm out of flats that go with my work shorts. This is my outfit for today, shoes and all.
Me: Yes.
Man: Ok. Just be careful. My files tell me you have 2 other braces with us. Man, that's a bummer. I assume you don't need me to tell you how to put it on?
How does one get into the ACL brace-fitting practice in the first place?
Me: Either way. Doesn't hurt to make sure I'm doing it right.
The man then tells me to velcro the straps in numerical order. Ummm...HELLO 2014! The straps were NOT numbered on my past 2 braces. Thank you for now making me look like an idiot that needs you to explain that you are first strapping the flap labeled "1" before proceeding to "2" and so forth...I'm handicapped AND sequentially challenged. Brilliant. The man then fumbles around my leg, front and back, securing the straps to protrude muffin-top-esq thigh pouches poking out through the windows of the brace. Somewhere in there was a comment about how my quads are large, but will atrophy quickly after surgery, but nottoworryMacie, you'll be in the IMMOBILIZER at the beginning. Wait. Don't worry? Because instead of this snappy get-up, I'll be in a hip-to-toe locked brace that will compress my muscular-less leg for a couple of weeks before graduating to my shiny new accessory. I can't even spend time NOT worrying about that because I'm still focusing on the fact that you called my quad large. Men - women do NOT think "Large Quads" is the equivalent of a compliment FYI. Words such as "toned," "tight," and "terrific" are far better choices. You're welcome.
Once my brace did, in fact, fit snugly, I asked if I was expected to wear the brace until surgery.
Man: Yes. You can take it off when you sleep if it's uncomfortable. You can also swim with it as long as you wash it with luke-warm water and let it air dry IMMEDIATELY afterward.
Me: Wow. Velcro has really improved in the new millennium. Thank you.
It really has though - I'm not sure I entirely trust that I will be floundering in the Pacific Ocean with my new attachment dressing up my bikini, but the idea that it COULD happen is a nice thought. Nothing further.
Man: Let's go ahead and go for the small.
Internal cheer for myself that my leg is considered small.
Me: Cool.
Man: Will you be wearing those heels with your brace?
Internal cursing towards the male species. These BARELY have a heel, it's 84 degrees outside, and I'm out of flats that go with my work shorts. This is my outfit for today, shoes and all.
Me: Yes.
Man: Ok. Just be careful. My files tell me you have 2 other braces with us. Man, that's a bummer. I assume you don't need me to tell you how to put it on?
How does one get into the ACL brace-fitting practice in the first place?
Me: Either way. Doesn't hurt to make sure I'm doing it right.
The man then tells me to velcro the straps in numerical order. Ummm...HELLO 2014! The straps were NOT numbered on my past 2 braces. Thank you for now making me look like an idiot that needs you to explain that you are first strapping the flap labeled "1" before proceeding to "2" and so forth...I'm handicapped AND sequentially challenged. Brilliant. The man then fumbles around my leg, front and back, securing the straps to protrude muffin-top-esq thigh pouches poking out through the windows of the brace. Somewhere in there was a comment about how my quads are large, but will atrophy quickly after surgery, but nottoworryMacie, you'll be in the IMMOBILIZER at the beginning. Wait. Don't worry? Because instead of this snappy get-up, I'll be in a hip-to-toe locked brace that will compress my muscular-less leg for a couple of weeks before graduating to my shiny new accessory. I can't even spend time NOT worrying about that because I'm still focusing on the fact that you called my quad large. Men - women do NOT think "Large Quads" is the equivalent of a compliment FYI. Words such as "toned," "tight," and "terrific" are far better choices. You're welcome.
Once my brace did, in fact, fit snugly, I asked if I was expected to wear the brace until surgery.
Man: Yes. You can take it off when you sleep if it's uncomfortable. You can also swim with it as long as you wash it with luke-warm water and let it air dry IMMEDIATELY afterward.
Me: Wow. Velcro has really improved in the new millennium. Thank you.
It really has though - I'm not sure I entirely trust that I will be floundering in the Pacific Ocean with my new attachment dressing up my bikini, but the idea that it COULD happen is a nice thought. Nothing further.
So I took 4 minutes to stand in front of the mirror and consider an outfit change that would "blend the brace" in a better fashion, but it just wasn't going to happen. If anyone at my office took note of how fashion-forward I am (depending on what day they catch me and their fashion sense. Actually let's be real, I work with all men and nobody cares what I wear), they would have TOTALLY felt bad for me yesterday. My outfit was skunked by this brace. And. It kept getting caught on my desk drawer when I would push my chair out. And. It was HOT. And tight. And it's like the badge of obvious athletic accidental mayhem. THEBRACE is an ACL tear shoved in everyone's face. So if the general public was wondering why I had a slight limp before, their question has been answered via live illustration. And this blog, of course.
It's slightly misleading to wear this brace pre-op because I actually can move around considerably well right now. I even rode my bike to work. That's right. Wedges, flowy skirt (it's Fiesta in Santa Barbara right now, ok), and ACL brace. You never want to get cat-called, but when you DON'T down streets with multiple construction sites, you have to kind of wonder how bad it must actually be. I mean, how bad is it? Honestly? Maybe everyone was just holding their breath and waiting for me to fall off my bike brace first. Ha! My sporty demeanor will NOT be diminished!! I was steady!
So ya. I just felt bad for myself all day yesterday. Every year, I travel to Vegas to compete with my friends - we all met each other in post-college competitive/social kickball - to compete in the National Tournament. Uh, what's that? You didn't know it's an actual sport. It is. This picture is from 2012 in between my first and second surgery. I broke my brace after sliding into 3rd. I think a part of me thought it was this epic Forrest Gump moment where I shed my bionic-ness and would never look back EVER.AGAIN. But now I have a new brace. With numbers. So there's that. Needless to say, I won't be playing in the tournament this year. Or in my soccer game tonight. The list goes on. Wah wah wah, give me a day to be a whiny brat. I'll come out the other side, I promise.
I have exactly 10 days until I go under the knife, and my social schedule has never been busier. I mean, I've still been watching plenty of television, jigsaw puzzling, and working, but I've also had ample opportunity to mingle and run into people that I both enjoy and don't enjoy seeing. I ran into one girl the other night - I know her from a few different circles, but initially she took fitness classes from me while I taught during college. When I tore my ACL in 2011, she had known because she played in the same soccer league that I did it in. Well. Three weeks later, the poor girl tore HER ACL. When I saw her the other night, she candidly told me that she heard the news from ____________ and was very sorry to hear it happened yetagain...(I use that as one word because that's what it sounds like when I hear it come out of people's mouths over and over. Yetagain). She then told me that she's been avoiding sports and dangerous activity, and will not go back to it until it's been over 3 weeks since my new tear. This way she is safe of the inevitable sequential injury to mine. I smiled and told her she was only a few days away from her goal. NO. I did NOT secretly wish she would tear it anyway JUST to see if my ACLs had that type of power. I did not. No way. Maybe just for like ONE second.
After I pouted for about 8 hours yesterday, I got off my butt, gave myself a body-weight-ACL-friendly-in-my-bedroom workout, and went on with the day, and I suppose, with life. Regardless of the constant irritation this leg-ware causes me, I have never taken my surgeon's orders more seriously. It might put a damper on my summer schwag, but that's not a good enough reason to leave this uppity and advanced sleeve behind. Brace yourself, for my mind will change often.
It's slightly misleading to wear this brace pre-op because I actually can move around considerably well right now. I even rode my bike to work. That's right. Wedges, flowy skirt (it's Fiesta in Santa Barbara right now, ok), and ACL brace. You never want to get cat-called, but when you DON'T down streets with multiple construction sites, you have to kind of wonder how bad it must actually be. I mean, how bad is it? Honestly? Maybe everyone was just holding their breath and waiting for me to fall off my bike brace first. Ha! My sporty demeanor will NOT be diminished!! I was steady!
So ya. I just felt bad for myself all day yesterday. Every year, I travel to Vegas to compete with my friends - we all met each other in post-college competitive/social kickball - to compete in the National Tournament. Uh, what's that? You didn't know it's an actual sport. It is. This picture is from 2012 in between my first and second surgery. I broke my brace after sliding into 3rd. I think a part of me thought it was this epic Forrest Gump moment where I shed my bionic-ness and would never look back EVER.AGAIN. But now I have a new brace. With numbers. So there's that. Needless to say, I won't be playing in the tournament this year. Or in my soccer game tonight. The list goes on. Wah wah wah, give me a day to be a whiny brat. I'll come out the other side, I promise.
I have exactly 10 days until I go under the knife, and my social schedule has never been busier. I mean, I've still been watching plenty of television, jigsaw puzzling, and working, but I've also had ample opportunity to mingle and run into people that I both enjoy and don't enjoy seeing. I ran into one girl the other night - I know her from a few different circles, but initially she took fitness classes from me while I taught during college. When I tore my ACL in 2011, she had known because she played in the same soccer league that I did it in. Well. Three weeks later, the poor girl tore HER ACL. When I saw her the other night, she candidly told me that she heard the news from ____________ and was very sorry to hear it happened yetagain...(I use that as one word because that's what it sounds like when I hear it come out of people's mouths over and over. Yetagain). She then told me that she's been avoiding sports and dangerous activity, and will not go back to it until it's been over 3 weeks since my new tear. This way she is safe of the inevitable sequential injury to mine. I smiled and told her she was only a few days away from her goal. NO. I did NOT secretly wish she would tear it anyway JUST to see if my ACLs had that type of power. I did not. No way. Maybe just for like ONE second.
After I pouted for about 8 hours yesterday, I got off my butt, gave myself a body-weight-ACL-friendly-in-my-bedroom workout, and went on with the day, and I suppose, with life. Regardless of the constant irritation this leg-ware causes me, I have never taken my surgeon's orders more seriously. It might put a damper on my summer schwag, but that's not a good enough reason to leave this uppity and advanced sleeve behind. Brace yourself, for my mind will change often.